Month: May 2010

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Dates With A Ten Year Old

I haven’t been as good with this as in the distant past, but have been wanting to do it more recently. The idea is to treat each of my daughters to a “date” to show them what to expect from guys who date them in the future and to spend some one-on-one time with them to get to know them better. It’s a bit intimidating because my expectations are a bit high and after a long work-week I’m pretty worn out.

How do you date a ten-year-old? I have a few plans based on her interests. For example, take her on a photography walk at dawn after stopping to get some donuts. What about my other two daughters? There’s glow-n-putt … bowling. Hmmm the bowling alleys strike up memories of thick smoke and cursing old men, but they should have a family night that would omit both of these nasties.

A friend on facebook asked what constitutes a date to a guy. In her case a boyfriend asked her over to his place to watch some TV. This means one of two things to a guy: either he’s really wanting to hang out with her or he’s trying to put her in a compromising situation. She’s right to be offended if he implies this invitation is a date. It means he offers low standards to her.

How to plan a date:
1. Know her interests.
2. Plan a place and a time.
3. Give her anticipation.

Don’t get mad or irritated on a date – ever! Even if the waitress throws a plate at you and you see cockroaches crawling on the kitchen floor. Just politely excuse yourself. If the lady looks embarrassed then explain to her that she doesn’t deserve to eat at a restaurant where the business doesn’t give her respect.. that she deserves better. Apologize to her, and take her someplace else. It’s best to scout out the place first, then you won’t be in an embarrassing situation of paying a bill for food you won’t eat… but don’t even sweat it. She’ll associate your frustration with her, not the restaurant.

As my girls get more sophisticated, I’ll deliberately go into these situations to show them how a man should behave.

At a dinner talk my wife introduced the question “What shows more character: the way a person acts while being watched by others or the way a person acts when not seen by anyone?” My answer was “Neither. A person’s character is best seen when put in a nasty situation. The uglier situations are the most revealing.”

When my wife and I dated, I would take her up to the restaurant, glance around, check out the menu, check out the bathroom (people who cook your food spend time there and if it lacks soap, they didn’t wash) then on occasion, leave. She would get very upset. It was in her head that if you parked in the lot of a restaurant, a hidden obligation was set that you had to eat there. To alleviate her embarrassment, I would ask her to stay in the car and relax while I checked the restaurant out. After explaining to her that I wanted to show her a good time, and wrenching for days after going to a bad restaurant does not equate to a good time, she agreed to this solution.

It’s things like having the man think about and look out for them, showing responsibility and initiative, that my girls are being taught to look for…

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Giving A Piece Of Myself

30 months ago I started growing out my hair. The first few months it was because a few of the guys in the office had the wild notion of growing out their hair to thwart the middle age that had come upon them. But at that point I realized this could become much more.

For some reason I thought hair could grow an inch a month, and having a good employment from a company that seeks out ways to help the community, there was support from them as well as my family to continue after this goal.

The truth is that my hair grew out only a third to a quarter of an inch a month, making it a 30 month run before I could cut my hair without shaving myself bald.

I chose Wigs for Kids for several reasons. First and foremost, they ask no money from those who receive the wigs. Secondly, they focus their attention on children. I remember being constantly picked on and abused by my peers throughout the schooling years so this was a personal goal to help at least one child not suffer the humiliation I went through. Finally, because they have such strict requirements, very few of the donations are thrown away or sold. People who participate in Wigs for Kids don’t do it on a whim and are careful to make sure the hair gets to them in a qualified manner.

As an adult with a full head of hair I was criticized by those around me. Although it’s certain the judgmental behavior came from people of all ages, it was children who out of natural lack of verbal constraint audibly expressed condemnation. I felt a need to excuse my choices and told people at random why I was growing out my hair; it was often because of my fear of attention rather than my desire for it that people were told my motives.

Children usually don’t get that chance with their peers from whom biting harsh words are thrown. When dignity and support is torn from a child it ripples into the rest of their lives. Likewise, when support is given in the face of indignant situations, it can make a child stronger – possibly even a Tour de force that positively impacts other lives.

As it turned out, last weekend I reached my goal! To make the finish line even more emotional, the barber who cut my hair has a niece with leukemia. Even in rough economic times we can help. If you’re not growing out your hair, raise awareness. Tweet it. Get people involved in hair clubs where, instead of trying to grow hair for themselves people are growing their hair for others.

Peace!

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Security Concerns Regarding Facebook

The last week of April might as well be called expose the Bait-And-Switch week for Facebook. In a meeting with Anna Post, the great-granddaughter of etiquette queen Emily Post, she mentioned some do’s and don’ts of Facebook.

I suggest you just don’t. Don’t do it. They change their security settings every year, sometimes more than that, and each time they do so, they reset your security settings to benefit their business. People fail to see Facebook as a business because it’s social network based. In their blindness, they give away their personal information to rogue apps and to Facebook itself. Google couldn’t hope for a better model to acquire personal information on every living person.

That’s not to say that Facebook doesn’t have a place. When I have something to promote, more often a non-profit organization, Facebook becomes a central piece to advertise it. However, it’s something that I have to periodically maintain for no other reason than to fix back my security settings that Facebook changes at whim.

However, it turns out we can’t just do without Facebook. When businesses look up our information before or after an interview, they peer into the Facebook world. A sterile slate is met with skepticism, so it’s good to have a little activity. That’s where it would be wise to listen to Anna. Common sense things that extend personal courtesy to others through this social network medium. Don’t publicize your political or religious views (that essentially makes this entire website taboo) and don’t get into confrontations.

As far as I know, people aren’t alerted when you unfriend them or deny their friend request. Nevertheless, they often times find out by seeing who’s missing from your list of friends or if they’re suddenly denied access to see it. Although Matthew Stringer makes a good point about silent unfriending having a negative impact on your information feed (file under the keep your friends close and your enemies closer mentality), Anna has a stronger point that people look at who you friend and make real-life judgments based on it. I would even argue that information overload keeps you from knowing what your real acquaintances and social interests are up to.

So take an ounce of good with the pound of bad, but be careful. There are ways to clean up the security enough to not look like a recluse but still keep your private information private.

To read more about the recent security changes, check out the following links:
http://www.davidderrico.com/what-is-facebook-doing-with-your-info/
http://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2010/04/facebook-timeline