Many years ago there were dreams. I knew what I wanted. I experimented with confidence, and failed at so many different things.
What eventually drained my dreams of their vibrancy, and crushed my hopes were the adults in my life. I learned some really backward axioms, such as:
- They’re going to blame me for it anyway, so I might as well do it.
- They always need something to nitpick about – make it something I control.
- Nobody looks at the reason, just the result. Heart never matters.
- I am nothing but a nothing. I’m not a thing at all.
But deep inside there were cinders of truth that kept me and my soul alive.
- Don’t live down to their expectations. That’s not who I am.
- Do my best regardless that it’s never good enough for someone.
- Give my heart to people. That is who I am.
- They see me as nothing because they look at me through their own vampiric mirrors. Don’t let them suck my soul dry.
There’s a definition within our intrinsic selves that supersedes how others define us. But there are seeds rooted deep within, from our childhood, that grows a label around us. Beware the label.
When someone labels software as tested – nobody else spends the time to test it… duplicated work is considered a waste. This is supposedly what happened on one of NASA’s failed shuttle launches. A checkbox was marked by mistake and one small thing wasn’t checked, costing lives.
When someone labels you as bad or good, beware. A hammer is neither bad nor good, but can be used to do both. People are, in many ways, like that.
Murderers have turned soft and change their lives completely around because of a few kind words. Genuinely nice people have become killers after years of torment and bullying. Despair has a way of flipping people by its presence or absence. So does love.
When we label ourselves, we galvanize the character, we build a fixed mindset, and inevitably cause failure.
In reverse, when we tear down those labels and look deeper into who we are and what we’re capable of, we build character, set a growth mindset, and – even in the course of failure – set ourselves up for victory in the end.