A Raw Talk on Failure

Over the course of the past few years, I’ve submitted my résumé hundreds of times to various places. Very few have given me the feedback needed to improve professionally. It seems like interviewers often feel it’s a taboo to discuss the interview with the person being interrogated – and I mean interrogated in these cases.

On a rare and special occasion, someone will provide very helpful feedback. One of the most mysterious feedbacks I ever got was after an interview at Google. The day after the interview, the recruiter starts with this question:
“How do you think you did?”

When I responded with something like “I’m so embarrassed. I know I did poorly. There’s no way that would have been good.” then Google would be open for another round of interviews a few weeks later.

But when I responded with something like “I feel really good about it! They threw wrenches and my code already handled all their cases! I feel great!” then the recruiter would stop the interviewing process.

I’ve made some cringeworthy mistakes in interviews that sit like a pit in my stomach. One common thread is that I tried to impress people by doing something beyond myself. Companies don’t care that you move out of your comfort zone. They care nothing of effort – they want results that are easily measurable. Being a senior-level developer that produces junior-level code because I’m developing something outside my experience doesn’t impress.

You might think that you’re getting the “Don’t call us – we’ll call you” message if you ever see the phrase “We’re keeping your resume on file.” in a rejection letter. For the most part, you’re right. But I have had a couple of rare occasions where the company actually did call me back and after another round of interviews, been given nice offers.

Failure and rejection are not the same, and if you're living right, neither are avoidable. Click To Tweet

The point I want to make here is that rejection isn’t the same thing as failure and vice-versa.

Some rejections are not explained, but they aren’t because of a failure on your part. Some failures are obvious and can be tied into that rejection. But sometimes there’s complete failure that results in acceptance and even becomes a model for success.

The greatest rejection we face is that within ourselves. All the names we call ourselves – or that we allow others to call us. For some people, the rejection leads to a dialogue of worthlessness that goes very dark.

After a recent visit to a “Break Free” session, three-fourths of the people from 12 to 82 raised their hands or nodded when asked if they feel harsh failure and rejection from the voices inside their heads.

In the following posts, I’d like to explore this deeper and provide some solid solutions that remedy some of the deepest pains we experience – even those that lead to suicide. The truth is: failure is not an option because it’s inevitable. Even hiding from failure is in itself a failure to live. On the same token, rejection is a continuous battle fought most within our own minds.

This article is from the “Raw Talk on Failure” series.

Photo by rawpixel on Unsplash

Procrastination: The unchosen option

I learned a new Hebrew word today, “לְהִתְמַהֲמֵהַ“, which roughly means “procrastination”. It’s pronounced “léhitmahméah“.

Its root context appears in two stories in scripture that mirror each other. One is near the end of Genesis and the other is near the end of Exodus. If Genesis, Judah confronts his father, Jacob, in regards to procrastinating the decision to bring Benjamin to Egypt and in Exodus the word appears as the people are leaving Egypt (430 years later) in such a hurry they couldn’t wait (procrastinate) for the bread to rise.

In the first story, they regret procrastinating the inevitable while in the second story they wanted to procrastinate, but inevitably could not.

This lesson of procrastination and inevitability is an interesting one to take in, as the predestination turns out to be unavoidable and the consequence of each of our actions (or lack of action) doesn’t change that.

In modern lyrical context: “if you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice.”

(Image from jeshoots@unsplash)

Geokarma

While on a business trip to CA, I introduced several people to Geocaching. At one point I headed out to Geocache with some free time we had. I had only prepared for finding microcaches. Microcaches are generally small containers that hide in the landscape and contain only a small slip of paper to sign. In this case, however, I happened across an actual cache box. Cache boxes give geocachers the added bonus of trading an item. The item you put in the box should be of equal or greater value of the trinket you take out. As a bonus, it should represent something about your character and/or augment the theme of the geocache. I pulled out a trinket then looked over the possessions in my arsenal to trade. Other than my ID, credit card and pen I had a Scooby-Doo band-aid. “Cool enough” I thought (trying to convince myself that this was an even trade… which is wasn’t).

Coworkers teased, and I kept saying “but it was a cool bandaid” (again trying to rationalize the bad trade).

A week later, while I was home working, my wife and kids went geocaching in Angelfire, NM and came across what promised to be a big cache. When they opened the box it was filled with business cards and bandages! They were all so disappointed. I then told my kids about what I did in CA to which my eldest said (without any prompting) “at least you left a cool bandaid. These weren’t like that. They were boring.”

Nevertheless, I vowed never to leave something like a bandaid in a Geocache again. And certainly wouldn’t leave a business card. (What type of person does that?! If I find your business card in a cache, I’ll call you to find out!!!)